Download and read online People I Want to Punch in the Throat in PDF and EPUB NATIONAL BESTSELLER A debut collection of witty, biting essays laced with a surprising warmth, from Jen Mann, the writer behind the popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat People I want to punch in the throat: • anyone who feels the need to bling her washer and dryer • humblebraggers • people who treat their pets like children Jen Mann doesn’t have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, her fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of mothers’ night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship (the one you have with your cleaning lady), nothing is sacred or off-limits. So the next time you find yourself wearing fuzzy bunny pajamas in the school carpool line or accidentally stuck at a co-worker’s swingers party, just think, What would Jen Mann do? Or better yet, buy her book. Advance praise for People I Want to Punch in the Throat “People I Want to Punch in the Throat is so good that it’ll make you want to adopt all the cats in the world. I’m not sure about the correlation, but it’s that good. It should come with a warning.”—Jenny Lawson, author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened “Jen Mann has an amazing way of telling stories that will make you cringe and burst out laughing at the same time. From swinger parties to racist toddlers, she makes the suburbs unbelievably funny.”—Karen Alpert, author of I Heart My Little A-Holes “Jen Mann says the things we’re all too afraid to say. Her honest and hilarious writing style reminds me of David Sedaris and Tina Fey.”—Robin O’Bryant, author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “Jen Mann’s shrewd and unrelenting assault on the absurdity of suburban life is an honest peek into the occasional nightmare that is part of living the American dream. I love Jen. I wish she was my neighbor. It’s so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who wants to punch almost everyone in the f***ing throat.”—Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink And Swear From the Trade Paperback edition.
Download and read online People I Want to Punch in the Throat in PDF and EPUB The author offers her witty, acerbic observation on life in suburban America, taking on topics like marriage, motherhood, and neighborhood politics.
Download and read online Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat in PDF and EPUB For fans of Laurie Notaro and Jenny Lawson comes an uproarious and oddly endearing essay collection for anyone trying to survive the holidays in one piece. When it comes to time-honored holiday traditions, Jen Mann pulls no punches In this hilariously irreverent collection of essays, Jen Mann, nationally bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat, turns her mordant wit on the holidays. On Mann’s naughty list: mothers who go way overboard with their Elf on the Shelf, overzealous carolers who can’t take a hint, and people who write their Christmas cards in the third person (“Joyce is enjoying Bunko. Yeah, Joyce, we know you wrote this letter.”). And on her nice list . . . well, she’s working on that one. Here, no celebration is off-limits. The essays include: • You Can Keep Your Cookies, I’m Just Here for the Booze • Nice Halloween Costume. Was Skank Sold Out? • Why You Won’t Be Invited to Our Chinese New Year Party From hosting an ill-fated Chinese New Year party, to receiving horrible gifts from her husband on Mother’s Day, to reluctantly telling her son the truth about the Easter Bunny, Mann knows the challenge of navigating the holidays while keeping her sanity intact. And even if she can’t get out of attending another Christmas cookie exchange, at least she can try again next year. Praise for Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat “Mann’s writing has transcended from witty anecdotes and complaints to notable satire. Hidden among the many laugh-out-loud zingers are lessons on how we relate to each other, and how ridiculous parenting culture has become.”—Associated Press “Following the success of her first book, she is now punching throats at holidays, starting from her being age two and continuing to the present, where she is a harried mother bemoaning not just Christmas but all holidays. . . . Harried holiday haters will chuckle and perhaps see themselves somewhere in Mann’s lifetime dislike of and misbehavior during America’s increasingly commercialized celebrations.”—Booklist “The cure for my cold holiday spirit this year is the sidesplitting new book by Jen Mann. . . . Mann delivers her signature punch lines and sharp critique on the oftentimes ridiculous shenanigans of the modern family. Her ability to make an otherwise boring subject come alive with colorful personalities, biting sarcasm, and impressively astute observations on suburban culture is what makes Mann so much fun to read and so easy to relate to.”—The Huffington Post “A lighthearted, laugh-out-loud book . . . with a feel of peeking into a diary.”—Mommy’s Memorandum “It really does make you laugh out loud.”—Shooting Stars Mag “A quick and delightful read that you can sneak in right before bed or when the kids are finally napping.”—FangirlNation “Grab a cup of hot cocoa, sit back and enjoy Jen’s latest collection of humorous rants dissecting the ‘most wonderful time’ of the year. She unleashes her biting wit and hilarious opinions on everything from cookie exchanges to annual humblebrag Christmas letters from overachieving moms to horrifying Christmases of her childhood.”—Creating Serenity “[Mann] has really mastered the short story format. . . . She packs the maximum amount of funny into the fewest words, and many of these essays are downright hilarious. . . . If you’ve read and liked her other books, you will definitely want to read this one, too.”—Bug Bug Book Reviews From the Trade Paperback edition.
Download and read online Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat in PDF and EPUB From the popular, hysterical and award-winning blogger Jen of People I Want to Punch in the Throat.com comes her literary debut. This book is the next destined-to-be holiday classic! This is Jen's latest collection of humorous rants dissecting the “most wonderful time” of the year. She unleashes her biting wit and hilarious opinions on everything from cookie exchanges to annual humble brag Christmas letters from over achieving moms to horrifying Christmas' of her childhood. In this book you'll find such topics as: The White Trash Dollhouse Like a Neon Virgin in Guess Jeans and Swatch Watches A Very Special Christmas: Hoarders Style and, of course, the viral sensation: Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies
Download and read online The Elf on the Shelf in PDF and EPUB The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition is an activity the entire family will enjoy. Based on the tradition Carol Aebersold began with her family in the 1970s, this cleverly rhymed children's book explains that Santa knows who is naughty and/or nice because he sends a scout elf to every home. During the holiday season, the elf watches children by day and reports to Santa each night. When children awake, the elf has returned from the North Pole and can be found hiding in a different location. This activity allows The Elf on the Shelf to become a delightful hide-and-seek game.
Download and read online Let s Pretend This Never Happened in PDF and EPUB From the New York Times bestselling author of Furiously Happy... When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father and a morbidly eccentric childhood. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame-spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it. In the irreverent Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson’s long-suffering husband and sweet daughter help her uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments—the ones we want to pretend never happened—are the very same moments that make us the people we are today. For every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud, this is a poignant and hysterical look at the dark, disturbing, yet wonderful moments of our lives. Includes a new chapter! Readers Guide Inside From the Trade Paperback edition.
Download and read online People I Want to Punch in the Throat 120 Page 5x8 Notebook Lined Blank Book in PDF and EPUB * Makes a great gift for anyone surrounded by idiots. * 5x8 size makes it a perfect notebook for taking notes at home, at school, at work, or anywhere you go. * College Rule Lined Pages let you write lots of notes and doodles. * Soft, matte finish cover is a joy to hold. * Keep it with you and keep everyone guessing whether or not they're listed in your journal of People you Want to Punch in the Throat.
Download and read online I Just Want to Be Alone in PDF and EPUB The second volume in the best-selling I Just Want to Pee Alone series! Don't get us wrong, we love the men in our lives - we do (most of the time). It's just that sometimes we would like them to go away. Not forever or anything like that. Just for an hour ... or a day ... or a weekend. We want some time to ourselves to read a good book or take a walk or do anything other than try to make a dent in the never ending mound of dirty clothes that keeps piling up on his side of the bed. We just want to be alone. All alone. Is that too much to ask? I Just Want to Be Alone is a collection of humorous essays from 37 of the most Super Cool Lady Writers you'll find on the web. Including: People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Baby Sideburns, A.K. Turner, My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream, and Bad Parenting Moments. Read hilarious essays like: Open Letter To My Son (Or: Your Mother's Top 10 List of Ways Not to Be a Douchebag Husband) Exploding With Love, Literally Romance is Overrated Life With the Thin Guy Dear Magnolia, Should I Marry This Man?
Download and read online People I Want to Punch in the Throat in PDF and EPUB This irreverent yet hilarious 6 x 9 blank journal provides plenty of space in to write your favorite quotations, poems, and reflections. You'll love the beautifully fresh cover design and feel inspired to write often and consistently. * Makes the perfect gag gift for friends. Give it as a birthday present, holiday gift or just because you want to kid around with them. * Excellent thick binding * Over 90 pages of thick, lined paper * Simplistic design perfectly made for any occasion or reason * Journal measures 6 inches wide by 9 inches high * Small in size, big in heart! Perfect to take anywhere without any real burden
Download and read online I Want My Epidural Back in PDF and EPUB Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.
Download and read online How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids in PDF and EPUB A hilariously candid account of one woman's quest to bring her post-baby marriage back from the brink, with life-changing, real-world advice. How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids tackles the last taboo subject of parenthood: the startling, white-hot fury that new (and not-so-new) mothers often have for their mates. After Jancee Dunn had her baby, she found that she was doing virtually all the household chores, even though she and her husband worked equal hours. She asked herself: How did I become the 'expert' at changing a diaper? Many expectant parents spend weeks researching the best crib or safest car seat, but spend little if any time thinking about the titanic impact the baby will have on their marriage - and the way their marriage will affect their child. Enter Jancee, her well-meaning but blithely unhelpful husband, their daughter, and her boisterous extended family, who show us the ways in which outmoded family patterns and traditions thwart the overworked, overloaded parents of today. On the brink of marital Armageddon, Dunn plunges into the latest relationship research, solicits the counsel of the country's most renowned couples' and sex therapists, canvasses fellow parents, and even consults an FBI hostage negotiator on how to effectively contain an "explosive situation." Instead of having the same fights over and over, Dunn and her husband must figure out a way to resolve their larger issues and fix their family while there is still time. As they discover, adding a demanding new person to your relationship means you have to reevaluate--and rebuild--your marriage. In an exhilarating twist, they work together to save the day, happily returning to the kind of peaceful life they previously thought was the sole province of couples without children. Part memoir, part self-help book with actionable and achievable advice, How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids is an eye-opening look at how the man who got you into this position in this first place is the ally you didn't know you had.
Download and read online People I Want to Punch in the Throat in PDF and EPUB Do you need somewhere to write your thoughts? Or are you looking for that perfect gift for your special someone? This is a blank, lined journal with a naughty, swear word on the cover. You won't be able to find a journal like this in the stores! It's also 6x9, the perfect size to take anywhere! Remember, there are many benefits to journaling and writing down your thoughts. Among these are stress reduction, numerous healing benefits, personal growth and so much more. Plus with the swear word on the cover, it will surely lead to many laughs and smiles. It's a perfect gift for many occasions - birthdays, holidays, a gag gift, Father's Day or any day you want to treat yourself or a loved one. All at a very affordable price. If you are looking for unlined pages, make sure to check out our other journals.
Download and read online How to Tell If You Boyfriend is the Antichrist in PDF and EPUB Let's face it--lust can seriously impair your judgement. It's hard enough for most women to meet a sane, single, straight specimen--who has time to psychoanalyze a hot new guy on the horizon? Enter award-winning illustrator Patricia Carlin's edgy, impulse-dating humour guide for the hip, young and urban.A cross between The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You, it teaches women to identify the warning signs associated with a spectrum of Mr. Wrongs, from cult leaders to polygamists, Trekkies, zombies and slackers.
Download and read online Dad Is Fat in PDF and EPUB In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children—everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills (“they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news”), to the eating habits of four year olds (“there is no difference between a four year old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor”). Dad is Fat is sharply observed, explosively funny, and a cry for help from a man who has realized he and his wife are outnumbered in their own home.
Download and read online How to Be a Person in PDF and EPUB From Dan Savage, Lindy West, and The Stranger staff comes this hilarious guide to life for college students and beyond. Here is all the information you actually need to know that no one else will tell you including: which majors to avoid, how to not get a STD, everything there is to know about philosophy (in a single paragraph!), what the music you like says about you, how to turn a crush into something more, how to come out (should you happen to be gay), how to binge drink and not die, how do laundry, how to do drugs (and which ones you should never do), good manners, tips on flirting with film nerds, how to write a great sentence, and a state-by-state guide to the U.S. of A. It's all here, along with Dan Savage's very best advice about sex and love. Hi! From the Trade Paperback edition.