Download and read online Go the Fuck to Sleep in PDF and EPUB Go the Fuck to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate and refreshingly honest, it captures the familiar and unspoken tribulations of putting your child to bed for the night. Colourfully illustrated and hilariously funny, this is a breath of fresh air for parents new, old, and expectant*. (*You should probably not read this to your children.)
Download and read online Go the F k to Sleep in PDF and EPUB A laugh-out-loud, adults-only bedtime story for parents familiar with the age-old struggle of putting their kids to bed “Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.” Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.
Download and read online Go the F k to Sleep in PDF and EPUB Go the Fk to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach’s verses perfectly capture the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. In the process, they open up a conversation about parenting, granting us permission to admit our frustrations, and laugh at their absurdity. With illustrations by Ricardo Cortés, Go the Fuck to Sleep is beautiful, subversive and pants-wettingly funny—a book for parents new, old and expectant. You probably should not read it to your children. The cats nestle close to their kittens, The lambs have laid down with the sheep. You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear. Please go the fk to sleep. The windows are dark in the town, child. The whales huddle down in the deep. I’ll read you one very last book if you swear You’ll go the fk to sleep. The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep. I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying. Lie the fk down, my darling, and sleep.
Download and read online You Have to Fucking Eat in PDF and EPUB From the author of the international best seller GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP comes a book about the other great parental frustration: getting your little angel to eat something that even vaguely resembles a normal meal. Profane, loving and deeply cathartic, You Have to Fucking Eat breaks the code of child-rearing silence, giving mums and dads new, old, grand- and expectant a much-needed chance to laugh about a universal problem. You probably shouldn't read it to your children.
Download and read online Seriously Just Go to Sleep in PDF and EPUB "Now there's a version, complete with more of the gorgeous, yet weirdly subversive illustrations. The best part? It's still funny. The rhythms, the plodding rhymes, the illustrations, the clever play on the overused trope of the world at bedtime -- they all work together to take Seriously, Just Go to Sleep beyond parody and into the realm where good children's books belong: things that parents, and children, can honestly come to from different places and enjoy together. I can imagine reading Seriously, Go to Sleep nightly, and even to the point where you're begging the child to choose something else (the ultimate compliment for a picture book) and yet still finding something to enjoy. It captures a different 'zeitgeist' of modern parenting." --New York Times "From the team that touched off the irreverent humor trend Go the F**k to Sleep, author Adam Mansbach and illustrator Ricardo Cortes, comes a new kid-friendly version of their instant comic classic. Seriously, Just Go to Sleep brings children in on the joke, helping them understand their own tactics and why their parents just want them to go . . . to sleep." --Publishers Weekly Critical success for the original Go the F*** to Sleep, a #1 best seller at: New York Times, Amazon.com, Wall Street Journal, Publishers Weekly, and many more! Seriously, Just Go to Sleep is the G-rated, traditional-sized, children's version of the book every parent has been talking about. Go the F*** to Sleep, the picture book for adults, became a cultural sensation by striking a universal chord for parents. Now, Adam Mansbach and Ricardo Cortés reunite with Seriously, Just Go to Sleep, inviting the children themselves in on the joke. As parents know, kids are well aware of how difficult they can be at bedtime. With Cortés's updated illustrations (including a cameo appearance by Samuel L. Jackson, who narrated the audio book version of Go the F*** to Sleep) and Mansbach's new child-appropriate narrative, the book allows kids to recognize their tactics, giggle at their own mischievousness, and empathize with their parents' struggles--a perspective most children's books don't capture. Most importantly, it provides a common ground for children and their parents to talk about one of the most stressful aspects of parenting. Seriously, Just Go to Sleep came to be when Mansbach read a highly censored rendition of the original book to his three-year-old daughter, and she recognized herself as the culprit and was delighted. "We were getting a lot of feedback from parents, saying that their kids loved the book--read in an altered form--because they recognized themselves in the character of the mischievous kid who's winning the bedtime battle, and thought it was hilarious. So we figured we’d do a companion volume that lets kids in on the fun."
Download and read online Go the Fuck to Sleep in PDF and EPUB The #1 New York Times best-seller for parents who live in the real world.
Download and read online If You Give a Kid a Cookie Will He Shut the F k Up in PDF and EPUB Before they Go the Fuck to Sleep, they need to Shut the Fuck Up If you give a kid a cookie, will he shut the fuck up? That is the question at the heart of this hilarious, deeply honest, profanity-laced book for parents who will do whatever it takes for a moment's peace. What really happens when you give in to your child's tantrums? The events that follow this seemingly simple act will test parents to the breaking point...while entertaining the millions of us who have been there ourselves (and lived to tell). Also a cautionary and instructive tale for new parents, If You Give a Kid a Cookie, Will He Shut the F**k Up? is a must-have for every family library collection. Just keep it on the top shelf.
Download and read online We re Going On A Bar Hunt in PDF and EPUB We're going on a bar hunt. We're going to find a cool one. The babysitter's booked. We're not old! Bestselling authors Emlyn Rees and Josie Lloyd also happen to be parents, so they understand the complications of organising a rare night out. In this parody of the famous children's book, two parents set off for a night on the tiles, and encounter a series of watering holes and bars before an alarming encounter with a 'bear' sends them running home to their children. Gillian Johnson is the author and illustrator of the successful Monster Hospital and Thora series for children. Her illustrations bring this story to life, gently parodying the original but adding an anarchic edge as the evening progresses. We're not going on a bar hunt again!
Download and read online Seriously You Have to Eat in PDF and EPUB The 100% kid-friendly, G-rated version of the New York Times best-selling parents' book, You Have to F**king Eat.
Download and read online Nobody Likes a Cockblock in PDF and EPUB Nobody Likes A Cockblock is a full color paperback children's book for adults about woodland creature moms and dads just trying to get their swerve on. It's 32-pages of inappropriate prose that will leave you laughing about your sad life. It's perfect for birthday parties, baby showers, baptisms, and of course, wedding presents.
Download and read online Rage Is Back in PDF and EPUB From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Go the F*** to Sleep, “a rollicking, frenetic and hilarious jaunt” (San Francisco Chronicle) and an Amazon Best Book of the Month Raised in the shadow of two graffiti legends from New York’s “golden era” of subway bombing, Dondi Vance is less than thrilled to learn his father, Billy Rage, is back after sixteen years on the lam. But the transit cop who ruined Billy’s life and shattered his crew is running for mayor—and must be brought down. Welcome to the Great American Graffiti Novel. From the Trade Paperback edition.
Download and read online How to Ruin Everything in PDF and EPUB A New York Times Bestseller "Funny, subversive, and able to excavate such brutally honest sentences that you find yourself nodding your head in wonder and recognition." —Lin-Manuel Miranda, composer and lyricist of In the Heights and Hamilton: An American Musical Are you a sensible, universally competent individual? Are you tired of the crushing monotony of leaping gracefully from one lily pad of success to the next? Are you sick of doing everything right? In this brutally honest and humorous debut, musician and artist George Watsky chronicles the small triumphs over humiliation that make life bearable and how he has come to accept defeat as necessary to personal progress. The essays in How to Ruin Everything range from the absurd (how he became an international ivory smuggler) to the comical (his middle-school rap battle dominance) to the revelatory (his experiences with epilepsy), yet all are delivered with the type of linguistic dexterity and self-awareness that has won Watsky devoted fans across the globe. Alternately ribald and emotionally resonant, How to Ruin Everything announces a versatile writer with a promising career ahead. From the Trade Paperback edition.
Download and read online For This We Left Egypt in PDF and EPUB The book you hold before you is no ordinary Haggadah. If you’ve ever suffered through a Seder, you’re well aware of the fact that the entire evening can last as long as the exodus from Egypt itself. There are countless stories, dozens of blessings, and far too many handwashings while the meal turns cold. Now prepare to be entertained by another version of the book that’s responsible for this interminable tradition. With this hilarious parody Haggadah from the comedic minds of Dave Barry, Alan Zweibel, and Adam Mansbach, good Jews everywhere will no longer have to sit (and sleep) through a lengthy and boring Seder. In For This We Left Egypt?, the authors will be take you through every step of the Seder, from getting rid of all the chametz in your home by setting it on fire with a kosher blowtorch to a retelling of the Passover story starring Pharaoh Schmuck and a burning bush that sounds kind of like Morgan Freeman, set against the backdrop of the Promised Land—which turned out not to be a land of milk and honey but rather one of rocks and venomous scorpions the size of Yorkshire terriers. You then eat a celebratory brisket and wrap up the whole evening by taking at least forty-five minutes to say good-bye to everyone. So gather all the Jews in your life (even the few who don’t appear to be long-suffering) and settle in for a fun way to pass the time while waiting for Elijah to show up.
Download and read online The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep in PDF and EPUB The groundbreaking No. 1 bestseller is sure to turn nightly bedtime battles into a loving and special end-of-day ritual. This child-tested, parent-approved story uses an innovative technique that brings a calm end to any child's day. Do you struggle with getting your child to fall asleep? Join parents all over the world who have embraced The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep as their new nightly routine. When Roger can't fall asleep, Mummy Rabbit takes him to see Uncle Yawn, who knows just what to do. Children will join Roger on his journey and be lulled to sleep alongside their new friend. Carl-Johan Forssén Ehrlin's simple story uses a unique and distinct language pattern that will help your child relax and fall asleep-at bedtime or naptime. Reclaim bedtime today! Praise for The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep: "Tired parents of planet earth - this is what you've been waiting for... If you don't already have a copy, you need to order one quick sharp" - Metro "The most peaceful bedtime we have had in months" - Daily Mail
Download and read online The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F ck in PDF and EPUB New York Times Bestseller In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.